Journal 1A - Free Write

I've been thinking a lot about how many things are going on in my life. The changed are at a level that I can not seem to actually cope with. Writing helps me get my emotions out but I write it in a poem so that it doesn't seem as if I'm targeting anyone. My friends that I truly thought were my friends have changed so much it tears me up inside. To me I find it to be a little bit fake, but I guess thats life, a whole heep of disappointment. I have so much to think about that sometimes I think that thinking about my "friends" is not worth my time. I've discovered that in fact I may also be the one thats changing. I may be the one that wants to better myself. Its not like certain people don't want the same thing but people go about things differently. I am amazed by the people I wanted to know, especially this one boy that I actually trusted to be my friend but now it seems as if our friendship doesn't matter and honestly it hurts. I dont like being the emotional type of girl and I love to make it seem as if nothing can possibly hurt me, but a true friend is hard to find especially one like him. I have certain friends that I call my family and they get that privilege to be called so because I care about them like my family they are apart of my heart. If I only have family in my life and no friends maybe that tells me that I'm supposed to be alone in life or that maybe thats all i need, but that terrifies me I dont want to keep to myself so much that i end up being the lonely lady with a house full of cats, or maybe dogs because I don't really like cats as much. UGH !!!!!!!!!! What can I possibly do?