Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Unexpected (Journal 2: Memoir vs. Fiction)

Maria was a very timid girl but her looks would make you think otherwise. Her hair flowed like the river, eyes as green as grass, a smile that could brighten anyone’s day and a body that resembled that of a figure skater. She smiled with her eyes and posed like a model but yet she was so timid. She was oblivious to things that were happening in the world it was as if she had no worries. Although Maria was so timid and oblivious she seemed to survive the slums of California, where the crimes were raging. Maria was of Mexican decent and although her personality deemed her to be lonely, she had two wonderful friends. She didn’t need much more. Maria was finally a senior in high school and running late for school.
“Mom, do you know where my blue shorts are.” She said.
“No Niña, check your closet.” Her mom replied.
“Ok! I found them.”
“Niña you’re going to miss the bus”
Maria dashed out the house and ran for the bus that was about to leave. She got on the bus, sat down, and watched as it pulled up to Jefferson high. There she found her friends waiting on the front stoop with these eager faces.
“Hey girl, how was your weekend?” Maria said.
“Ugh, it was awful, I spent two days trying to write my college essay and fill out the application.” Holly J stated.
“Well mine was great because I already finished my college essay like I told you to do before Holly J.” Jessica said.
“Yeah, Yeah” Holly J said. Maria butted in
“Guys lets not start this again we have to get to class any way, we’ll meet up at my house after school ok.” In unison Holly J and Jessica replied “Ok.”
The three of these girls have been going to Jefferson high for as long as they could remember. They had countless amounts of slumber parties and regular parties. They were known to that school as the three musketeers. They were the odd bunch of friends. Holly J the cheerleader, always peppy and smiling. Nothing could get her down it was as if her blonde hair which shined bright as the sun reflected her personality. Jessica was the soccer player, who was sort of a tomboy with a rugged edge, but looked smoking in a dress. Lastly Maria the journalist, quiet but never soft spoken. Who would have ever imagined a group like that? The worst of their stereotypes was put behind them as they talked about school, boys and much more.It was getting late and Jessica and Holly J got ready to head home.
“See you later Maria” Holly J said.
“Bye Maria” Jessica said.
“Later you guys and Jessica you’re not supposed to say Bye, say see you tomorrow or something.”
“Yeah, Yeah.” Jessica said.
Maria sat at home thinking of the worst because she was so superstitious about people saying that before they left. What was going on she closed the door to her room and turned off all the lights and sat on her bed. Not a word was said, not even her journal could feel what she felt. She went to sleep one night and woke up screaming the next.
“Maria is everything alright.”
“Yeah mom I'm fine.” She said stumbling over her shoe as she got ready for school.She wasn’t late for the bus but she dreaded going to school, for she felt something was wrong.
“Hey Holly J where’s Jessica?” Maria asked
“I have no idea; she didn’t call me last night like she promised she would.”She was scared to wonder about what was wrong, Jessica didn’t call when she got home but maybe she just forgot. She went to class anticipating the last bell of the day. It was the end of school and Holly J and Maria raced to Jessica’s house. They arrived to see a burned house, ashes everywhere and Jessica’s parents outside.
“What happened? Mrs. Wright.” Maria asked with uncertainty in her voice.
Crying Mrs. Wright replied “We went out last night, we left Jessica home with her baby brother, Adam, we came back not to long ago and this is what we find, the police said that no bodies were recovered so everyone in the house may be dead. Not Jessica, not our Jessica.”
All Maria could think was how she could be gone. The superstition jumped into her body putting so many things into her brain. Jessica was the first person to greet Maria on the first day at Jefferson high as a freshman. May 2nd was marked down in Maria’s diary as the day she lost the filling to her 3 musketeers. Maria sat at home that night feeling like her heart left her body, no soul was remaining. She woke up the next day and put on anything. She sat on the bus to Jefferson high remembering that things could never be the same. She sulked into her seat, disappearing into nothingness.

2 comments:

  1. Very good use of descriptive details. I could almost imagine what Maria looked like. It's interesting how everything seems to be going peachy and then bam you hit us with the conflict.

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  2. There are many wonderful elements to your piece. I really enjoyed your dialog and the physical characteristics that your characters had.
    I was hoping for you to bring your conflict in earlier, though. Ultimately, this should be a story about how Maria gets over the loss of her friend, yet she doesn't lose her friend until the very last paragraph. In the future, make sure that your conflict is mentioned immediately in the first paragraph, so that it frames your story.
    I am enjoying the voice that you write in and I find your work to have a lot of energy and passion!
    26/30

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